Holiday of Joy
by MomofPhoenix
Summary: As promised, I have five minutes before Sunday ends as I am posting this, so I'm still on time. Merry Christmas to the Merry Men this year...this will be a Babe story.
1. Chapter 1

A/N not mine, I own nothing but the plot.

Holiday of Joy

So it begins...the day after Thanksgiving. The mass confusion, the hysteria, the lining up at 3 in the damn morning, in the flipping cold just to save a few dollars. The music, driving me insane as I dodge little old ladies with blue hair.

I am constantly looking over my shoulder for Diesel, because everything smells like sugar cookies and someone shoving a pine tree up my nose. That jerk better stay far away from me this year. I will not hunt down Santa and his Elves for him this year. No way, no how. This year I was going to have a normal holiday around normal people, well normal for Jersey anyway. I had my route planned out, and boy were the guys in for a surprise, Grandma was helping me with them this year.

We both had our list of Merry Men we were shopping for, but first I needed to take care of my family. For Mom it was an engraved silver flask, for her special "tea."

For Daddy, it was a new hat.

For Valerie, it was a new apron with the girls hand prints on it.

For Albert, it was a desk set with a calender and fountain pen.

For Grandma, it was a gift card to Victoria Secret... I had to shutter as I paid for it.

For Joe, it was a tube of Antifungal ointment and a note telling him to enjoy life with Joyce. I caught him with the farm animal lover on Halloween at the policemans ball. They were in the broom closet doing the horizontal mambo. He was lucky he didn't sing soprano, and she wasn't bald.

For Angie, a classic novel.

For MA, a horse and stable play set.

For the babies, play mats amd a doll.

I had all the family gifts in less than an hour. I saw the hot topic and Spencers gift store. I couldn't wipe the goofy grin off my face. This was going to be good. Grandma said she had an extra special gift for Santos in mind. I couldn't wait to see what that entails, he had been especially obnoxious to me this past year.

A/N there is more to come with this story, and yes, it's a Babe. May the Merry Men be wary of little blue haired old ladies.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N not mine, I own nothing but the plot. I wouldn't mind if JE would let me have Tank. I promise I won't bite him. Much...

Holiday of Joy

 _ **Two weeks later...**_

Tis' the season, and all that jazz, as Grandpa Mazur use to say. We survived black Friday, giving Saturday, Cyber Monday and all of the big sales that followed. That was a miracle in itself. The Victoria's Secret brawl, or battle of the bra as it is now known, was epic. Grandma was right in the thick of it. I'm pretty sure she actually instigated it, but I can't prove it.

Today we are hitting up Treasure Pleasure. The owner was FTA, again, and we needed to finish up our shopping for the Merry Men on our lists. I am truly terrified by the prospect of this entire trip.

This can go one of two ways, and I already know that it won't be the easy one. I was ready for anything. My stun gun is fully charged, three sets of cuffs and shackles, actual bullets in my gun, a change of clothing for both of us, and a Rangeman vehicle instead of my current rust bucket.

I already had a vest on under my sweatshirt, which was bulky enough to hide it. Grandma refused to wear one, she didn't want to hide the girls. She swore up and down that she was going to meet her soul mate today. I could only shutter.

"Lets go, Baby Granddaughter! I know I'm gonna find me a hot one today! I can feel it in my gypsy bones."

"That's arthritis, not gypsy magic, crazy old bat," I muttered, channeling my Dad.

I was loaded for bear and ready to go. I took a deep breath and said a quick Hail Mary. Don't knock it, I need all the help I can get, and if anyone understood unusual happenings in life, it would be the virgin mother.

I could feel the hair raise at the back of my neck. I knew the man in black was somewhere near by. I couldn't hold back the groan, I was about to be entertainment.

"You okay? Is it time for your monthly. Probably, you're cramping. You should eat a banana, it'll help," Grandma was on a tangent. "Maybe you should see a doctor. Maybe your pregnant. We should call this off and get you checked out."

"No, Grandma, I'm fine. I just remembered a pest control appointment that I need to set up," I growled out.

We walked into the Treasure Pleasure and began our shopping. I grabbed all of the items on my list and watched Grandma finger a see through lace teddy. The nightmares were made worse when I saw who she was talking too. Coglin, Carl freaking Coglin, Performance taxidemist extrodinare. I am ready for this to be over now.

I make my way to the register and spot my skip. I realize she sees me and a look of recognition crosses her face. She grabs the rifle she keeps in her office and takes aim. I am bracing myself for the impact when my Grandma happens.

"No, Edna! Don't press it the..."

Two things happened in that moment. The entire store was covered in, what I hoped to be foam; at the same time, Lester made a grab for my skip. I have no clue how the hell I missed him showing up.

I heard Ranger laughing hysterically. I was so startled by the sound that I nearly missed the fact that he was covered from head to toe in the foam, while I didn't have a single spot on me. The sight left me speechless. Lester was not afflicted with the same problem.

"Looks like Santa Clause changed his uniform," Les said with a laugh.

Ranger just threw him a look.

"I know, mats at o' butt crack of dawn. Gotta admit, it's pretty damn funny.

"Steph, I'm going to get Grandma and your skip into the truck for you. Do you want Coglin too? We have a file on him. He's FTA as of two hours ago. After that little show, he's all yours."

I could only nod as I watched the white foam drop off of Rangers nose and onto the top of his boot. My lips began to twitch as I fought valiantly to keep from laughing.

I saw his lips move and his shoulders begin to shake. I couldn't hold back anymore. The laughter came tumbling out. Ranger began to laugh as well.

"Awe, Babe. Come here, don't you want to give me a kiss? Come on, Babe."

I let out a shriek and took off in a sprint when he started to move towards me. Of course, he caught up to me quickly. He pulled me close to his chest smearing the white goop all over me.

"You couldn't let me take them in completely clean, while your covered head to toe, could you?"

"Babe," he replied while grinning into my neck. "Meet me on seven for dinner tonight. I think it's time for a little talk."

"Umm, Okay. Six work for you?"

He nodded and leaned in for a panty ruining kiss. Right there in front of everyone. He was already gone by the time I had my senses back. Grandma was fanning herself and Lester was still there smirking.

"I'm going to catch a ride with you to the station. Bobby is meeting us there to pick me up." I bob my head up and down. "So, you and boss man finally pulling your head from your collective ass's?"

I shake my head to clear it from the last of the Ranger induced fog.

"No clue what you're talking about, Santos. Not a single damn clue at all."

"Mr. Coglin, what animal did Mrs. Mazur make blow up?" Lester asked. I somehow instinctively knew not too, it wasn't gonna be good.

"It's something that I was working on for mass distribution in the pleasure shops. A life like dildo, that, well you saw. The foam is safe and non toxic, I only have a problem with the force behind it all."

Lester and I sat there with our mouths hanging open, I felt the need to throw up a little. Lester was sending a text.

"Mr. Colin," he said quietly, "you may want to get out of town for awhile. I'll pay for you to go see your son. Ranger is gonna be pissed for a bit."

Coglin went pale and nodded his head.

"I'll talk to him tonight, you'll be fine."

 _ **Please take a minute to read the A/N;**_

 _ **A/N Hey, Everyone! I want to invite each of you to come join in with us on the Fanfiction Writers Take Over that will be happening on Facebook January 23-24! Come on over if you have a facebook page. You'll be able to "talk" with some of your favorite writers from FF. We'll share links to our stories, play games, do a Q &A, and just have fun! Multiple fandoms are participating, and I am so excited! I will be posting a list to the event page of the times that each person is scheduled to be spotlighted. All times will be Eastern Standard time, since I live in Georgia and that's the time zone I am in.**_

 _ **We have quite a few from right here in the JE group that are taking part, I'm even going to do an hour slot. I can't wait! You can ask about different things, learn about different fandoms. Maybe even find another writer that you didn't take a chance on reading, but something in their spotlight changes your mind. I hope that you'll join us! If you have any questions, please send me a PM and I'll answer it for you. It may not be until after Christmas, but I will answer it.**_

 _ **Lynda**_


	3. Chapter 3

A/N not mine, I own nothing but the plot, and my own twisted warped sense of humor.

This Chapter is going to mainly be fluff, but it moves us forward in the game.

Holiday of Joy

Once I dropped Grandma and Carl Coglin off at my parents, oh my Mother was bound to get drunk, I ran home to get ready for diner with Ranger. I decided to give myself the full treatment, waxing, fluffing and paint.

I was just putting the slinky red dress over my head when there was a knock at my door. I wasn't expecting anyone and people don't generally knock. They tend to just let themselves in. I grabbed my stun gun and made my way to the door. I quickly checked my peep hole and was a little worried about who was behind the large bouquet of flowers.

I cautiously open the door and was surprised to find Ranger, in his suit holding the flowers.

"Not that I'm complaining, but I thought the plan was for me to come to your place at six for diner and our discussion?" I asked him.

"I thought it would be nicer to go out somewhere for once. I realized that unless it's business, we never go out together."

I began to look around him. I couldn't help it, something was off. Suddenly this felt like a date. The only problem, Ranger doesn't do dates. He doesn't do relationships period.

"Who are you and what have you done with my Ranger?"

"Babe," he replied with a smirk.

"That's what he calls me, but I'm still not convinced."

He put the flowers on my counter and pulled me in for a bone melting kiss. Yup, this was Ranger. No one could kiss like him.

"Believe me now?"

"Hmmmm." I could only moan out.

He chuckled and sent me off to finish getting ready. I found my strappy FMPs that made my legs look like they were a mile long. I put an extra swish in my step that had him mubbling something about a come to Jesus talk with Lester. I couldn't help the giggle that escaped.

He had driven a '68 Blue Mustang that had me drooling at the sight. I stopped in my tracks, American Muscle is my weakness. The pure power that purrs in a well kept engine of a classic car that is pristine in it's maintenance, can make a girl weak in the knees.

"Where...what...oh, holy cow!"

"Babe, you like?"

"You have no idea."

He gently helps me into the car and places a kiss on my forehead. I felt something had changed. His kiss felt different, more tender. I felt a slight tingle in my body that wasn't there before.

We were on our way quickly, I'm still not sure where we are going, but we were heading towards Philly.

"Where are we going?"

"Other than Philly, I'm not telling you. I think you'll like it though."

"Ranger, please."

"Babe," he chuckled as he shook his head.

I think I was going to go into shock. This had been a very odd day so far. First Ranger is covered in a foam that I would rather not know what it actually was, he has laughed more then I have ever seen, the PDA, and he has suddenly become more verbous. I start looking around, I don't smell Diesel, but something isn't right.

"Babe, what are you looking for?"

"Hidden camera, Diesel, flying pigs, you know anything that would explain why everything has become so weird."

He began laughing again. I was right, something was off in the land of Oz. I must be dreaming, in a coma, or the spirits of Christmas are messing with my head.

"Nothing is wrong Steph, I'm am just relaxed for the first time in my adult life. I have so much that I want to talk to you about over diner."

He grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers before resting it on his thigh. I soon realize that we are in King of Prussia, just outside of Philly.

We pulled up in front of a little restaurant, it looked like an old colonial building. Knowing that this area was rich in American history, it wouldn't surprise me to find out that it was authentic.

The hostess took our jackets and lead us to our table. Ranger held out my seat for me and kissed me before letting me sit. I sat in awe of this side of Ranger. I had never seen this before and I wasn't sure what to make of it.

He ordered for us and the somalia pour our wine. He reached across the candle lite table and held my hand in his.

"Steph, I want to talk about you a few things this evening. I have a proposition of sorts for you. I would like you to listen carefully before you answer."

"Ummm, okay."

"Steph, Babe, I would like you to come with me to my family diner in Newark on Christmas Eve."

"I can do that, but are you sure you want me there? I mean, I'm just a friend that you work with occasionally."

"Well, that's something else I wanted to talk about. I would like to take you home as my wife. I love you, Steph. I'm done with my contract and I'm past ready for someday. I'm ready for forever. Babe, will you be my wife?"

I sat there in stunned silence, only able to nod my head in agreement. He stood up from the table and knelt down in front of me, sliding the ring on my finger. He pulled me in for a bone melting kiss.

The full dining room was clapping for us as we seperated. He had me sit down again and the server brought our small simple salads.

"Steph, I know that you are planning something with Grandma for the guys, I want in. I have a candy cane gag that will be damn good."

I couldn't hold back the laughter that spewed from my mouth.

 _ **A/N okay, so I have fallen a bit behind on this and will be posting my final chapter on Monday.**_

 _ **Also to the guest who asked about the Facebook event, you can find it one of two ways. You can go under the events and search Fanfiction Writers Takeover or you can send me a friend request along with a PM and I will make sure you get the link. I am currently not able to post on FB until Jan. 1st, but I can get PMs and friend requests. Thank you! :-) Look for me under my real name Lynda Gettier**_


	4. Chapter 4

A/N not mine, I own nothing but the plot.

 _ **So, I need to thank a few people in this one before we get on with this chapter. AVBabe for the candy cane idea, it was priceless. All the people in multiple groups on FB that I am in, who gave me the rest of the ideas for this chapter. Also for all of the wonderful reviews, if I missed resopnding, I am so sorry. I enjoy them all so very much!**_

Holiday of Joy

It is December 24, and I am on my way to Newark to meet my new in-laws. Yes, we did it, we got married in Atlantic City the day after Ranger, I mean Carlos proposed. We decided not to tell anyone and see who would notice our new hardware. So far, no one did.

We had a bet on who at Rangeman would be aware enough of their surrondings. My bet was on Hector, the man had eyes like a hawk. Ranger had Lester, because someone in his family would yell at him for not telling them.

We pulled up to a single family home in a small ethnic community. I had memories of Scrog and when we drove through the neighborhood.

Diner with his family was like nothing I had ever experienced before. The hugging began the moment we stepped in the door. Someone was constantly telling me how amazed they were that I did the job I did, and how grateful they were for saving Julie. I'm not sure how many times I had to explain that I didn't do much, or how many times I blushed because they would tell me that I was beautiful.

When we made our announcement during dessert, it became even more crazy. His Mom cried, his Dad puffed up like a peacock, Celia and the rest of his sisters squealed. Once we left to go home I felt giddy with happiness, and anticipation. The games were about to begin.

We made our way to the control floor and grabbed the stockings from the closet in his office. My Dad had brought Grandma and her gifts and met us in the conference room on four.

The men slowly filed in, not looking to happy to be called in for a disciplinary action meeting. The look of fear that crossed their faces as they spotted Grandma, had me stepping out of the room for a moment to get my laughter under control.

I walk back into the room and Ranger raises a damn eyebrow at me. He may be my husband, but he is still annoying with certain things. I rolled my eyes.

"Babe, would you like to start the meeting?"

"No, Ranger. This is your circus, your monkeys. Not my problem."

He nodded and continued, "Men, we seem to have a major issue here. It has been brought to my attention that there has been a lack of... holiday cheer."

Their heads snapped up. They all looked confused. None of them were sure as to what was going on. I put on my hat and smiled.

"Merry Christmas!" I shouted.

Ranger began handing out the stockings and Grandma was handing out the packages. They just kept looking like a bunch of deer caught in a head light. I lost it, I couldn't hold back my laughter.

"Come on, guys! Open the packages from Grandma first," I tell them with a grin.

I notice Hector eyeballing me, Tank, Hal, Cal and Binkie slowly and carefully grab their packages. Lester wouldn't remove his hands from his lap.

"Come on, Les! She's all the say over here, I'm pretty sure you're safe."

"She's a wily one, Beautiful. If she gets over here and grabs **my package** , I will not be held responsible for my actions."

"Santos, just open the damn gift!" Ranger ordered.

He gingerly touches the beautifully wrapped present. We watch as he opens it slowly with his head back as far as it will go. He reaches inside and pulls out what looks like a lime green jump rope with a small cup attached to it at one point. He pulls out a piece of paper and chokes as he reads it.

"Come on, Handsome! I'll help you put it on." Grandma chortles.

"No, just no. This is so wrong!" shouts Les.

I finally realize what it is, it's that stupid mankini I've been seeing float around social media. I lose it, Ranger walks over and grabs the paper. I can't help but check for drool when he throws his head back and laughs.

"Don't insult the gift giver, go put it on Santos!" he orders him.

Grandma squealed like a little girl and she watched Les become very pale.

I turned to the rest of the table and saw that the others were carefully opening theirs. I now know what Grandma got all the yarn for as I saw the knitted items.

"Grandma, why did you make them gun covers?"

Dad was trying hard not to laugh, but the snickering burst through when I asked that.

"They're willie warmers, not gun covers, Baby girl! You need your eyes checked. Go on, boys. Go put them on, I need to check and make sure I made them the right size."

Hector was the first out of the room with a twinkle in his eye. Ranger just raised and eyebrow and pointed a finger at the door. With their heads hung, they marched their way to the locker room in the gym. Grandma then handed Ranger a package as well He opened it and said a single word.

"No."

"Come on, Ranger. Don't insult the gift giver. Grandma made it specially for you." Thinking it was another willie warmer in an over sized box. I had never saw him look afraid until now. So, I gently nudged him towards the door.

The Merry Men came running back into the conference room. Apparently, Ranger had thrown them out of the locker room, threatening their lives, if anyone ever breathed a word if this.

I heard an odd sound as they filed back in and realized that there were two jingle bells sewn into the base of the warmers. Dad and I were clinging to each other laughing, because every time one of them shifted they would jingle.

"Babe!" Ranger bellowed over the intercom, "I'm have an issue with the gift. Go ahead and give them their stockings, and make sure they know that they can each have a candy cane while they are going through them."

"Will do, but you should hurry, you're missing the concert."

"What the hell?!"

"No worries, well get it done."

I turn back to the now very red Merry Men, who knew that Tank could blush like that, or that flaming fred could look like he was really on fire.

"Gentlemen, have a seat and start on your stockings. As you heard Ranger has approved your candy canes and I don't mean the ones in your warmers," I told them with a giggle.

Hector opened his red and white peppermint treat. A few of the guys, including the notorious Lester, had green ones. Not thinking anything of it they opened them as I explained that they were a special treat from Ranger.

Then it happened, the gagging started and Tank yelled, "What the hell is this?! Why does my candy cane taste like a dill pickle?!"

Tank, Lester, Bobby, Cal, Hal, and Vince all looked like they were going to vomit.

"I'm going to assume that is your payback for the flour prank last month."

They all chuckle at the memory of the flour bomb they had put in Rangers office and rigged it to go off when he sat in his chair. What they hadn't anticipated was me sitting in his lap at the same time. So, had stayed clean while I took the brunt of the mess.

They continued to rummage through their stockings and found little things like tazers, handcuffs, and fuzzy dice that had suggestive positions instead of dots. They were all nice and relaxed when they got to the toe and found they each found a little stuffed Rex with a red and green bow. I began to slowly back up, knowing that they wouldn't be able to resist giving it a small squeeze.

I suddenly had a bad feeling about this. The door slammed open, startling all the guys. The stuffed Rex's all were given a very slight squeeze, just hard enough to trigger them. The guys all had their mouths hanging open when at they sight before them as the Rex bombs went off.

The room was and all of it's occupents were now covered in the foam that Coglin had come up with for his new performance pieces. The funniest sight though, had to be the six foot tall Cuban sex god, dressed in a pastel pink bunny onsie, it even had floppy ears on a hood and a white cotton tail. I lost it. Grandma and Dad were nearly rolling on the floor.

"Babe," Ranger growled.

Dad suddenly stopped everyone and shouted, "Holy crap! when did you two get married?! Your mom's gonna flip her lid!"

"Two flipping weeks," I whisper into Carlos' neck. "A building full of men who are hyper alert, and it takes two weeks for someone to notice, and it's my Dad. The most unaware person there is." I giggle.

"We were married two weeks ago, sir."

"Congratulations, Son. Welcome to the nut house."

"You're the first person to notice, Dad." I tell him.

"No, that would be your Grandma. She made me the same damn outfit when married your Mom and for Albert when he married Val. It's your welcome to the funny farm gift."

I looked at Grandma and she just shrugged.

"Merry Christmas to all and welcome to the funny farm!"

We all giggled and the guys decided that since Grandma had one upped them on their awareness she would get a special gift. They all began singing jingle bells and dancing for her.

With Santos, leading the way they jingled the night away.

 _ **A/N Okay, so I'm not very happy with this chapter, but it's all I could get out. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! I have a one shot coming up tomorrow, it is my son Phoenix's seventh birthday and he's helping me with this one. Should be interesting. :-)**_


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